HMPH! WORD? REALLY? SMH! UGH!

So...someone asks you a question and you fully disclose and answer their question. Including any and all compounded questions surrounding the original question. It gets to be quite complicated and you find yourself expressing thoughts and even sometimes feelings that you have kept to yourself for years. After all is out in the open and the picture is crystal clear with no more questions or wonderings you expect the person to reciprocate. At least a little bit. And they give you....

NOTHING!

NADA!

ZIP!

ZILCH!

ZERO!

And all you wanna do is YELL @ them!

I was on with an old friend. We go back a few years, lost touch (by choice over a disagreement), and re-connected. It was cool. Well, in our discussion, we addressed issues between us. Well actually we addressed issues between us from MY SIDE ONLY. She would not, and I mean outright refused to give her side. I was soooooooo ticked off! How dare you? I bore things that I have not told you in the almost 4 years we have known each other and all I asked for was that you do the same and talk to me. I even tried to compromise and would accept a "half-disclosure" rather than a "full-disclosure". I even tried to meet half way and agreed that even if it was not favorable that I am a "big boy" and can handle that. BUT DID SHE? DID SHE BE THE FRIEND TO ME THAT I WAS TO HER? DID SHE RECIPROCATE? NO. And I am not ashamed to say that I am bruised by it. I'm not broken, I'm not tore down, I am not hurt, but I am a little shaken and bruised. Goes to prove what I learned a while ago, that apparently is a lesson that repeats itself for me. That lesson: ALL OF MY FRIENDS ARE CRACKHEADS! SMH. The convo ended like this:

Her: WHY DO YOU NEED TO KNOW?

Me: THE SAME REASONS YOU NEEDED TO KNOW FROM ME!

Her: stop, you're making me cry.

Me: Why can't you just tell me?

Her: What does it matter? Why do you need to know?

Me: you said stop, so discussion over, done.

Her: ok

And we haven't spoken since, that was earlier this afternoon. Although I did get quite busy at work, but still...she's never gone this long without saying something. She did post a FB status vaguely about how she felt about the discussion, but I refuse to address it any further with her. I just needed to vent. UGH! Relationships of any kind with any woman is difficult. People want to talk about marriage and bf/gf relationships, but I will say that a platonic friendship with a woman is probably the most difficult type of relationship. Case in point, me and my BFF (who just steams me, daily, even when we don't talk)....but I digress. Anyway...how do you coax and draw information from someone that you say is valuable to you for one reason or another but then won't turn around and give that person that same info for their fulfilment? I need to assess the quality of the friends I have. And on top of all that, she knows the Lord!!!!!! I would think that her being not only a friend, but a SISTER IN CHRIST would give her that much compassion to satisfy my hunger for the answer to my query.

At this point, I don't know when the next time we will speak. We fell out of touch for a year over a simple disagreement about the subject matter of series of books/movies and her stubbornness to even hear and assess my point in light of the disagreement. But I had to hear her out and fully understand where she was coming from. SMH, once again! So, this being more serious, I don't know where this leaves us. Another yearlong sabbatical? A few days break? A few hours? Permanent?

[insert Law & Order "doink doink" sound effect]

There's my BBM now....hmph!